Awkward is OK

By Maarten De Moei, Assistant Pastor
Tiel, Gelderland, Netherlands

What should be our focus when we consider children, teenagers, and young adults in our congregations and society?

Our own past

When I look back at my past in my congregation and how I grew up, I remember all the times that adults (or even those slightly older than me) spent time with me and tried to get to know me. I remember the times that I was the only child or only teenager present during the service, and still someone ensured that there was something I could partake in or do.

Sometimes I read from a children’s Bible at the beginning of service. Other times, I was the one who would walk around with the collection bag. During prayer time, I almost always wanted to pray for something and was encouraged to do so and received positive responses. For me, an important part of youth ministry is just that — involving them, encouraging them, showing them that you see them and that you see them as an important part of the church community.

Our approach

Many people feel that children are very approachable and it’s easy to make them laugh. But not everyone feels the same way about teenagers. Teens might appear to want to create distance from adults, can be sarcastic, or might even look like they could eat you alive! But in my experience, this is not the case at all.

Being a teenager can feel awkward. And teens are at a stage in life where they can feel like every single decision they make and every word they speak will decide who they are and will be for the rest of their lives. We should make the first move to connect, so let’s be awkward with them! Sit next to them when they are on their phones and just be present. We, as adults, are precisely the ones who can show them that it is okay to be awkward or to not know what to do or say. We do this by just being ourselves and creating meaningful friendships with them.

Teenagers know that they are not adults yet, but I can guarantee you that they really do want to be treated as one. Take them seriously and give them a chance to express themselves. Find ways that they could be involved in service with a low threshold.

Through our congregations, we are blessed to be part of a community where most every age group is represented and gathered together. This isn’t something that exists anymore in most parts of society! Yes, we can find this in a family but on a very different scale. Also, there’s an expectation to care about our own children and to connect with them. But connecting with youth that are only in our lives because of Christ? What an amazing privilege we have!

So how can we connect?

• • Involve them in our worship service when we can.
  • Talk to them and show genuine care, even if it takes effort. Yes, it may be awkward!
  • Create (or continue with) specific parts during the worship service tailored to them, whether these are:
    • • Bible stories
      • Children’s service with arts, crafting, drawing, anything creative
      • Teen service where you conduct a Bible study with them and discuss what we read or what is happening in their lives
  • After the worship service, think about mini golf, bowling, a movie, or a game night with board games.

There are always enough children or teenagers

Do you know the feeling of preparing something with young people in mind, and then they don’t show up? Don’t lose heart! And even if only one shows up, that is amazing! Now you have the opportunity to talk one-on-one and tailor your discussion to them personally. You can create valuable memories and help them build their Christian foundation.

Our goal is to build an appropriate friendship with our youth and build on the foundation of their beliefs. We cannot force them to believe or see things as we do. Thankfully, Jesus shows us that coercion isn’t the way to him. Love, acceptance, his sacrifice, his lessons, and a desire to follow our Savior are the way. So, this is what we give our youth — the same things Jesus Christ showed us.