Each day is an opportunity to practice kingdom relationships.
By Carrie Osborne, LPC, Associate Pastor, Grove City, Ohio, U.S.
This year, we’re centering on Kingdom Culture. We’re exploring how it transforms ministry, equips us for kingdom living, and teaches us to embody kingdom values. Healthy relationships are a kingdom value. Whether Jesus was with a large crowd, His family, the Pharisees, or His disciples, He demonstrated healthy relationships. By the Spirit, Jesus related to others as His Father instructed. We can too. Are we allowing the Spirit to form and disciple us in relationships?
Through my own journey of learning from Jesus and from others He has taught, I have found the writings of Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend to be encouraging and practical. It is encouraging because their foundation is Jesus and practical because we all encounter people who need God’s love. In their book, Safe People, they write:
Our safe relationships with others testify to the world about God’s safe love for us. He meant us to be ‘in’ each other, just as the Father and the Son are. Imagine that: We are to internalize, or take in, love from one another and use it, just as God does.[1]
Paul’s letter to the Colossians collaborates well with this reminder to internalize and use love as we seek to be in healthy relationships with others. I found three guiding principles in Colossians 3:12-17 to help when experiencing discord. The points seem easier to find when you read through the passage and then start from the bottom and move up. And you will notice with each principle, we begin by examining ourselves, not attempting to change the other person.
- Be filled with Christ as your life represents Him. (verses 16-17)
Listen carefully for the prompting or conviction from the Holy Spirit. If your motive is first to defend Christ or defend yourself rather than to love your neighbor, perhaps take some time to pray and worship.
- Be bound together in harmony by Christ’s love and peace, in gratitude. (verses 14-15)
If you are angry, ready for a battle against or an argument with another person, then your heart is not ready to proceed. Jesus has not asked us to defend Him in this world. He has asked us to love others as He has loved us. When this love is difficult (and really, is there a day when it’s not?), ask for Jesus’ peace. Peace to your heart, mind, and tongue, which in turn brings love and perspective to your relationships with others.
- Be mindful of how you’ve been clothed. (verses 12-13)
God’s love in our hearts, the inward transformation, produces fruit that is apparent outwardly. God has chosen you and given you a wardrobe fit for a citizen of the kingdom — tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience. We’re to be clothed in kindness; kindness is not an item we pick up and “perform” on occasion. We wear it; we inhabit it! In Christ, kind is who we are. As the triune God grows us up into Christ the head, the traits of our false self — accusations, indifference, arrogance, self-centeredness, cruelty — fall away.
God created us for relationship with Him and with others. Each day is an opportunity to practice kingdom relationships. Ask the Spirit to empower you to relate to your neighbors in a transformed and kingdom-minded manner.
Go Deeper. For some practical examples, read this article about postures of facilitators. It applies universally to relating to others.
[1] Safe People: How To Find Relationships That Are Good For You And Avoid Those That Aren’t, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, p 63
Indeed, starting with self examination and self-critique is a daily trek to humility. As John Wesley is reported to have said “…there but for the grace of God go I”