Sermon for September 17, 2023 – Proper 19

Psalm 114:1-8 • Exodus 14:19-31 • Romans 14:1-12 • Matthew 18:21-35

The theme for this week is the power of loving acceptance, and as we consider the RCL texts, we can see how both receiving and giving loving acceptance is one of the foundational components of a life of faith. Psalm 114 provides the response of gratitude to the story of the exodus from Egypt, as told in the next reading, Exodus 14. The story of Israel’s deliverance from the Egyptian army shows how belief in God stems from knowing God’s acceptance, care, and concern. The passage in Matthew reveals the connection between our ability to forgive and our trust and belief that we have been forgiven for our own shortcomings. Our sermon text comes from Romans 14, which explores the way acceptance can heal us of our need to compare and offer us the freedom in Christ we were meant to enjoy.

Loving Acceptance: An Answer to Life’s Paradoxes

Romans 14:1-12 (NRSVUE)

As a general rule, we human beings don’t like paradox. We like black and white with no shades of gray. Unfortunately, much of human life involves dealing with paradox, which two business researchers, Wendy K. Smith and Marianne W. Lewis, have written a book about, called Both/And Thinking: Embracing Creative Tensions to Solve Your Toughest Problems. In the book, Smith and Lewis define paradox as “the interdependent oppositions that lurk beneath dilemmas and persist over time.” They cite several examples of businesses that floundered or flourished based on the way paradox was handled in their organization. The insights they developed from studying businesses who succeeded and failed can also be applied to our personal lives and even our churches. Because human beings make up churches, understanding how to handle paradox can help us improve our ability to love others and God.

Our sermon text today features Paul talking about some of the quarreling that was happening at the church in Rome. Let’s read Romans 14:1-12.

Read sermon text.

We can see that Paul was trying to help the church in Rome realize they were “sweating the small stuff,” and as a result, it generated a critical and judgmental attitude within the church. A judgmental attitude does not love others as Jesus loves us (John 13:34). Instead, the church at Rome was arguing about what was being eaten and what days were being observed (v. 1-6), and Paul was inviting them to look past their divisive, either/or thinking to the larger picture of being true to our individual consciences as led by the Holy Spirit. By understanding how to handle paradox and our tendency toward either/or thinking when it comes to problem-solving, we can improve our relationships with one another and create a loving environment in our church home.

First, let’s understand why either/or thinking doesn’t work.

• Either/or thinking doesn’t help us solve problems. In fact, it can create downward spirals of intensification and polarization. Intensification, as defined by Smith and Lewis, means focusing solely on one side of an issue, to the point that we get “stuck,” unable to change and unwilling to hear another point of view. Hearing does not imply agreeing, it shows honor and respect for another that you are interested in them as a person, and you are desiring to hear a different point of view. Polarization happens when groups pick sides, ultimately dehumanizing the other side. Intensification and polarization keep us from reaching out to understand those who think differently than we do.

Some in the church in Rome were committed vegetarians, and others were despising them for their personal conviction (v. 1-4). We need to consider how we may have fostered judgmental attitudes within our churches over issues that involve personal conviction and personal liberty.

We also should think about how we have engaged in either/or thinking when it comes to other denominations or religions. Author Brian McClaren makes an important point in his book Faith After Doubt:

Jesus never said, when asked what is the greatest commandment: ‘You shall hold correct beliefs about the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall convert your neighbors who do not hold correct beliefs, and if they will not convert, you shall defeat them in a culture war.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Instead, he said something truly revolutionary: first, he said to love God with our whole being. Second, and equally important (which is the meaning of ‘the second is like it’), he said to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:36–40). (124).

Rather than persuading others to our own point of view, we’re encouraged to think how we can respond in the most loving way toward those who differ from us.

Part of this loving response requires us to approach differences inside and outside the church by embracing paradoxical differences that are part of our human existence. But how?

• We need to learn how to ask better questions. Often when we’re faced with a problem or disagreement, we frame the question in an either/or fashion. In Smith and Lewis’s research, they found that students were able to come up with more creative widgets when they were instructed to make them both “novel and useful,” rather than the student group that was told to focus only on one aspect, either novel or useful, but not both. Rather than rushing to defend or persuade, we serve others better when we embrace curiosity and assume that others have good reasons, maybe even personal convictions, regarding their choices. Saying, “Tell me more about that,” is a good start, and learning the skill of reflective listening can help us understand the real issue behind the problem.

For example, Smith and Lewis share a story about working on their book draft in a library study room. They weren’t the only ones in the study room; there was another woman there, too. She wanted the window open, but Smith and Lewis didn’t. This looked like an either/or dilemma. To solve the problem, however, Smith and Lewis asked more questions. Why did the woman want the window open? As it turned out, the woman wanted the window open for ventilation, whereas the reason Smith and Lewis didn’t want the window open was because their papers would blow around. By understanding the reasoning behind a particular stance, they were able to come up with another solution that met the needs of everyone: leaving the study room door open offered enough ventilation for the other woman, and their papers wouldn’t blow around.

Lastly, we must understand why God thinks judgmental attitudes need to be addressed rather than personal practices or choices.

• We are responsible for our own choices and the ways we express our personal convictions and worship of God.

Who are you to pass judgment on slaves of another? It is before their own lord that they stand or fall. And they will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make them stand…Let all be fully convinced in their own minds. Those who observe the day, observe it for the Lord. Also those who eat, eat for the Lord…(Romans 14:4, 6, NRSVUE).

God understands our unique wiring and looks at the heart’s intent.

• We belong to God, and our actions are held within the sacrifice of Christ.

For we do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living. (Romans 14:7-9, NRSVUE)

Rector and Dean of the Lutheran Theological Southern Seminary Mary Hinkle Shore writes:

Christ died and rose in order to create community across the most fundamental of differences: Jew/Greek, slave/free, dead/living! The acknowledgement that Jesus is Lord implies a critique of all other powers, even the power of our most thoughtful, considered judgment on how to honor our Lord.

Our unity within the church is not based on personal practices, but rather, on our inclusion in the Triune God relationship.

• Loving acceptance is the answer to the paradoxes we face in human life and relationships, and our response is gratitude and praise to God.

As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God. (Romans 14:11, NRSVUE)

Acknowledging the freedom in Christ we have helps us offer others the same freedom and grace to express their love for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We can trust in God’s goodness and grace, knowing that the Holy Spirit is leading each person into greater intimacy with God.

Paul demonstrates in Romans 14:1-12 that judgmental attitudes toward others’ different choices won’t promote the vision God has for humanity. Loving God and others begins when we work to build loving acceptance of people within our relationships and our church.

Call to Action: When faced with a conflict at home or work, instead of responding with a black or white answer, consider first asking God to help you see the person as he sees them – as someone created in his image. Then start by asking the question, “Tell me more,” or, “Help me to understand.” As the person explains, listen quietly, asking God for wisdom, and then practice reflective listening to see if you’ve understood them. If needed, take time to think of a loving response that can address the issue so that all involved feel heard and loved.

This is part of the new commandment, to love others as Jesus loves them.

For Reference:

McClaren, Brian. Faith After Doubt. St. Martin’s Essentials, 2021.
Smith, Wendy K., and Marianne W. Lewis. Both/And Thinking: Embracing Creative Tensions to Solve Your Toughest Problems. Harvard Business Review Press, 2022.
https://nextbigideaclub.com/magazine/thinking-embracing-creative-tensions-solve-toughest-problems-bookbite/36575/
https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/reflective-listening
https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-24/commentary-on-romans-141-12-2
https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-24/commentary-on-romans-141-12-5

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